There is a rat chewing on my leg hair.
1/24/25 - Today was also not good. I'm failing 3 classes. I feel bad, I'm not good at anything. Thats not even an exaggeration either. My mom makes me mad sometimes. Shes very loving but only when I stay quiet and don't have a personality. Im very uncomfortable around her. Everything she says feels like an accusation. Anyway, I have no friends and it kind of sucks. I dont understand why we have to learn the most convoluted, frustrating, useless math just to go out and never use it again. Being on the internet is so much easier than being in the real world. I dont know why things that are easy for everyone else are so hard for me. I dont wanna sound like I think Im the main character or anything, but thats how I feel. I hate trying to adjust to my moms moods. One minute she'll be smiling and giving me thin gs and the next she'll be slamming doors and yelling over nothing. I love her, but shes hard to understand. Why are people so hard to understand? I dont know why people have to be so complicated. ???? Im not sad, just confused. What should I do?
1/25/25 - my brother kinda sucks
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1/27/25 - I feel kind of dazed a lot of the time. Like my head is foggy. I think it's just cuz there's so many people. It sucks though, it gives me these big gaps in my memory. I feel like im wasting my life away. What's the point of all this if I can't hold a memory for more than two days? Not my greatest trait. It makes academics actual hell too. Even if I study something cover to cover every day for a month, by the time we take the test all the information is long gone. I can't stand being pitied but it honestly has its uses. Most teachers feel too bad to yell at me for never turning anything in. I have no idea what I'm going to do. I don't wanna throw everything my parents have done for me down the drain. I dont wanna kill myself and make a scene. I dont wanna do anything except pursue a career in art, but that dream gets more ridiculous every day. With AI and all that, people dont need real artists anymore. I dont know if im talented enough that anyone would want to commission me. I don't wanna spend the next 50 years of my life in an office or some shit. I think I'd actually end up killing myself. Why didn't we use AI to doo all the boring, soul sucking jobs so that humans have more room for art and fun? It doesn't make sense. I hate thinking about the furure. Angel of darkness angel of darkness the world is in your hands so I will fight until the end
rats are so cute
1/31/25 - I am extremely sick.It feels like there's bricks inside my head weighing me down. My body feels so intensely heavy. I tried to walk to the bathroom earlier and my legs gave out only seconds after I stood. I'm burning up, but I can't stop shaking. I feel like a little sickly british boy in the 1700s. I can't move to get medicine. I think I might've passed out earlier. I had managed to get to the door for once and then I just remember waking up in the hallway out side my room. Whenever I write I sound so formal and it makes me insecure. I don't think god can save me from this.
I always come back ahh
4/24/25 - 4chan got shut down a couple days ago. I never used it that much but based on the few experiences I've had, it's probably for the best.